Sunday “Visitation,” Torture, and Abuse - Is this YOUR story?

Two weeks ago, I was brought to tears when I witnessed the emotional torture and abuse of a 4 year old boy; his struggle with the amazing love for his dad and the pain that he was experiencing because his time with his dad was limited to just 3 hours per week, was beyond obvious.  If this is your story, then I must hear from you!!! 

It began one Sunday afternoon …

While walking home, my kids and I were walking through an alley that opens into the park.  A few feet from entering the park, a 2 year old child ran across the alley entrance.  I thought nothing of it, it’s a park; as we entered the park and I had a full view, I was nearly run over by this 4 your old boy …

Stop and take a moment to reflect … think about the times when your child would greet you after work; a smile as big as their face, a sparkle in their eye, arms spread as wide as they can be, as they run to you as fast as they can.  You squat down, open your arms, smile big and catch them in your arms; wrapping your arms around them, pick them up, hug them, and give them a big kiss as you twirl them around.  It’s an unforgettable greeting that I am certain almost every parent has experienced, so take a moment to re-capture that image and relive that memory.

Fast forward after divorce … from afar, I might have thought nothing of it, but from close, I can not let go of the image left behind.  Almost everything that I described previously was the same, with one exception; this time in this situation, this 4 year old boy was not smiling, he was not beaming with excitement, but rather he was crying; tears rolling down his cheeks, his mouth was scrunched up from the pain.  The look on his face was the same look that your child has immediately after they have fallen and hurt themselves; they run to mom or dad for comfort and to make things better … remember that look?  I watched this scene unfold and knew what was happening.  It was dad’s Sunday “Visitation.”  Dad had all the favorite toys spread out on the picnic table, Grandpa was there also, and the mother’s father sat across the park and supervised.

It left such an impression I had to go back.  I introduced myself and gave him my number, not wanting to disrupt the small amount of time his boys had to relish in the joy of being with their dad.  I spoke with this father a week later.  He is just beginning the pain staking process and mother is “Permitting” him to see his boys for 3 hours per week!!!!  Appalling!!!  So why doesn’t he assert himself, you may ask.  For fear that being assertive might be described as aggression and the Family Court may take away the 3 hours per week he does have.  The unconditional love and attachment within this family was clear … so why do they have to be separated like this? 

Helpless, alone, belittled, treated with such disrespect … it’s no wonder that the feeling of hopelessness sets in, Faith becomes nothing but a word, and Dad simply gives up!!!  How can we do this to our children?  I will never understand this logic.