An Appology to My Children

In my first post I spoke of how my third child found his way into this world.  Clearly there was no planning involved, so someday he may be told by others or feel himself that he was an "accident."  One thing is certain, he is no accident.  There is a purpose to his life and God gave him to us for a reason, and that reason will be disclosed in time.  Although it was a bit of a shock, I developed a love for this child just as strong as the love I had when my two daughters were born, even though I was not present through most of the pregnancy.  What causes this?  It is the knowledge of knowing that I am going to become a father again and the experiences of raising two daughters, who taught me the meaning of Unconditional Love!!!!  Holding a helpless child in your arms for the first time is such an amazing feeling.  That's what made my love stronger each day for my unborn son ... and my love grows stronger each day for each of children.

I want to apologize to all three of my children for my failures as a man, as a husband, and as a father.  There is a reason why men are from Mars and woman are from Venus ... to be parents that compliment one another in the upbringing of their children.  To each teach them unique things that the other can't teach.  This is also why it is important for children to be with both parents equally.  As a man, it is my responsibility to lead a family in all aspects of life.  I was unprepared and inexperienced.  I was unaware of this responsibility, which in part lead to my divorce.  As a husband, I did not truly understand how to love my wife in a way that she needed me to love her, and this is the second-part that lead to my divorce.  As a father, I failed because I was unable to fulfill my other responsibilities as a man that would keep the girls parents together ... something that every child wishes for.  But here's the paradigm ... if I didn't fail previously, we would not be blessed with a son, a brother, and a future father that will grow up with these beliefs and knowledge. 

So to my children, I am sorry for my failures that led to living situations that are not ideal.  I did not knowingly make decisions that lead to this.  I know that Kadin and Gracie struggle with this even after 5 years, however they would struggle much more if one parent was taken out of their lives.  Lil E will most likely have similar struggles, but is too young to understand at this time.  I can't take back my actions and decisions that led to our current family situation, but I can tell each of you with confidence that I have grown through these experiences ... I have obtained the wisdom that I was missing and now have tremendous clarity about what I want to teach you about families, parenting, and life.  So I am sorry for my past failures, but I hope that I am able to teach you, guide you, and model positive attributes that provide you all with a better life than mine; living in a healthy family environment, and marrying a partner that compliments your strengths and forgives your weaknesses, and loves you unconditionally, to no end. 

To my children, DADDY LOVES YOU!!!