In my most recent child support hearing, the apposing attorney asked me a question ... she asked me if signing my girls up for basketball was a choice? Of course I responded "yes." Whereby, she proceeded to make the claim that it was a choice and that cost should not be considered as an expense for my previous children. Ironically, and my attorney pointed this out, we were not claiming this to be a necessary expense, nor asking that it be considered in the cost to care for my previous children. The next day ... as I began to dwell as I do, I spent a significant amount of time on thinking about "Choices".
Let's think about this ... the following are expamples of choices that affect our children:
* Sleeping with someone that may result in pregnancy (this is a mutual choice, made by two people)
* We can choose to buy our children books to read or video games to play.
* We can choose to send our children outside or let them stay in and watch TV.
* We can choose to discuss sex and drugs with our children or let them learn from their friends or experiment on their own.
* We can choose to be actively involved in our childrens lives or focus on our careers.
* We can choose to fulfill our duty as a parent or we can abandon them ... noting that when a father (or mother) abandon's their child, they also take away the other parents choices.
There are so many choices that we make each day that affect our children. Take a moment to consider the choices you make and how they may adversely affect your children.
The following are choices that I have made recently to make me more available for my children and improve the quality of their emotional lives.
* I withdrew my name from consideration to be the local office manager at the company I work for (a potential pay increase of $30-50k per year plus bonuses) ... this would require too much time away from home.
* I purchased a larger home that increased my monthly expenses by $300/month ... but my children each have their own rooms and Lil E has his own room, even if he has not used it yet.
* I cut back my hours at work from full time to 30 hours per week ... so that I am home for my children after school. I also pick Lil E up at 3pm, 3 days per week.
* I wear jeans and shoes with holes to extend their life and my need for clothing ... this affords me the ability to spend a little more on my children.
* I emptied one of my retirement accounts to afford an attorney to fight for my right and desire to be a parent to my son and fulfill my duty as a parent.
* I've remained in a town that is far from my family to ensure that my children will always have their "dadda" in thier lives, and can always get a hug when needed.
Now I want to look at the choices that Lil E's mom has made that I am aware of:
* She purchased a Cadillac Escalade to replace the paid off Dodge Durango because the Durango was too small for her, her two kids, and their stuff ... this increased her monthly expenses by $402/mo on a ~$40K per year salary.
* She put Lil E in daycare at 3 months for 37 hours per week rather than allow dad to care for him an hour or so each morning ... this increased the monthly daycare expense by $100 per month.
* She is asking to change the "First Right of Refusal" provision from 2 hours to 2.5 hours ... although not confirmed, it appears this is so that she can leave Lil E with a babysitter while she coaches rather than with his dad ... we live a mile apart.
* She continues to ask the courts to limit my time with Lil E ... with no justification.
In today's society, it is becoming so easy for a mother (and in 10% of cases a father) to strip the other parent of their choices. For example:
* Where Lil E goes to daycare was not my choice.
* The 15 hours per week I spend with Lil E was ordered by the court.
* The times I can go to daycare to see him ... or even take him from daycare. Just imagine how you would feel knowing that daycare gets more time with your child and that you are not free to pick them up and take them to the park in the middle of the day (Kidnapping!!!).
* The $1800 per month in child support was ordered by the court ... which is taking away my choice to be home for my kids.
* Where Lil E sleeps at night, who he sees first in the morning, who he sees last in the evening, what he wears ... and it goes on.
I know that there are many parents out there that do not engage in this type of behavior and I commend those that can allow the other parent to have the same responsibilities to their children's development as they do. To the parents that are angry, bitter, and seek to hurt their spouse, I emplore you to find other ways to release these emotions ... do not take the children from their other parent or their choices in life. We must all be free to make our own choices that affect our children and selves. So when you are making the choice to goto court, consider that children need both parents equally, and that love, time, and a relationship with both parents is far more valuable to our children then the money that can be extorted through the courts.
Choose Wisely Each Day!!!!
