[You're a Father] In February 2010, I found out I was going to be a father for the third time, with a girlfriend I hadn't dated for that long. Within 5 weeks, she had decided that she wanted to go it alone and broke up with me. I know that I was in a bit of shock because I wasn't sure how to make everything work for the best for all with an ex, my two girls, her daughter, and now a child on the way. But, that was no reason to shut me out the way that I was.
I wasn't sure if I would see my son after he was born because I knew that the father of her other child had never seen his daughter despite his desire and will to see her. So, I spent the next 7 months grieving the loss of a child I had never met, and researching the effects on fatherless children and Shared Parenting.
[My Son is Born] I was very thankful when she allowed me to be present at the birth and receive him from the delivery room. He was so beautiful ... 7 lbs 13 oz. I did my best to allow him and his mother to get comfortable at home so I accepted the time she gave me with grace. After 3 emails had been exchanged, one explaining my views on shared parenting time, and two explaining her views on the appropriate "Visitation" schedule, she decided to take it to the Family Court to decide ... my son was 13 days old.
["Visitation"] I know that I was blessed when compared to other fathers, as I was given 4 hours of "Visitation" per week until he went to daycare at 3 months old ... at which time my "Visitation" was raised to 10.5 hours per week. Now for the the illogic in this scenario ... I was willing to do everything possible to be available for my son, even go into work late and stay late. What was decided to be "In the Best Interest of the Child" was for me to see my son for 3 hours at daycare and from 3 to 5:30, 3 days per week at home. Make note that two of those days are during work hours ... It got better when they imputed my income to full time, which was forcing me to make a choice between seeing my son or working to paying the full child support.
I have since been given more time and my son is nearly 11 months old. I have been given 18 hours of "Visitation" with him per week. Three of those hours are still at the daycare. And today, I became 2nd choice at the daycare. How, you ask? My son was very tired near the end of my visit. Up until recently, I was able to put him to sleep on my shoulder ... what an amazing feeling ... but today he cried when the daycare provider left the room. Upon her return, he quieted down and she put him down ... he was asleep in minutes ... just another dagger stuck through my heart, but I will stay strong for my son. [Something to Consider] There are two things to consider here, 1) this makes sense because the daycare has 37 hours of parenting time (more than double that of his father), and 2) a father should not be 2nd choice to daycare unless he chooses for that to be.
This blog is the beginning of my mission to change this system "In the Best Interest of the Child." Children have the right to know, and be raised by both parents equally. Shared Parenting is what is best for the long term health of our children, our families, and our nation. I hope you enjoy my blog and I am looking forward to a time when there are many people on here discussing these critical topics about our children.
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